One of the attributes that i often get praised for is for my relentless spirit – sometimes in a comparatively way. In a way that, it is a measurement how much im doing and the absence of it, in their life.
Often in a way, that suggest that i have too much time, or am too driven, somewhat in a negative light. Too fast, too much, too intense, well – we are all running at a different speed, there’s no good, there’s no bad speed.
I see it in a neutral light, if I finding something intriguing, I will make time to understand it. Be it an emotion, the trauma behind it, to the triggers or an activity. In the past 6 months, I have been unable to feel an ounce of curiosity. I was worried, I was trying very hard to list down things that I am, and i am not – desperately trying to hold on to every piece of me that i know of. I was so sad, silently grieving the parts of me that i somewhat lost.
Today, I finally went for coffee making class, after much deliberation.. and boy, i enjoyed every minute of the class. From learning, to failing my art lattes. I’m penning this down, because I’m proud of myself – I’m finding the pieces of myself and putting myself together again. And I want to thank myself for making an effort to step outside my safe space, outside my home, to do something that I am uncomfortable/ unfamiliar with.
Take space to know, there is no new or old, there’s on the future self to look forward too, Everything is weaved together, in all your ups and downs.