All I need to hear is just me breathing.
I need to count my breath. In Out. In and Out. Again and again.
Repetitively – and close my eyes.
Today marks breakdown number 2. All these question in my head.
Questions questions questions. And thought thoughts thoughts. Pro and cons pro and cons pro and cons. The emails keep coming in. New emails. New emails. New mail.
The phone is ringing. The mobile is beeping. Beeping. Beeping. The work is piling. Piling. Piling. Piling. Piling. Piling.
Somebody. Save me. Please.
I’m getting lost. And I feel anxious, and scared. I feel like the walls are coming nearer and nearer to me.
Breakdown number 1 was last Saturday. I woke up from a nap – crying. Because I felt like I had the responsibility to save the world. to – SAVE THE WORLD. And I had to boil water, and wash the car, and to do the laundry. To be a A star employee. To be a good daughter to my aging parents. To buy a property. To buy a car. To be healthier.
To be nice. To be compassionate. To be kind. To be stronger.
To be the best I can be.
To be the person I want to be.
I can be.
I am so tired. What is it that I’m chasing.