Next weekend, it will be 365 days since you left us, left me. I know its not intentional, but honestly dad. I can’t stomach it still. I can’t imagine you left, I can’t accept that you left.
When you come to my dreams, You are always happy, chirpy. You always look like you just had a bath, you smell like soap. Always smiling. But you never touched me, you never let me hear your voice ( what I want VS what is neededed ). Every time you come to me, I feel overwhelmed, because its so real. So I woke up crying, and I just called you on the phone. I know I’m the definition of pathetic.
Then I realised the difference between reality and dreams.
This time last year, you were dying.
I want to let you know that we all love you, we all still love you, you are never forgotten at all. You are dearly missed. We still talk about your favourite food, we still ask the dog if he is waiting for Papa. We avoid the restaurants you like, because our stomach churns knowing that its your favourite and you’re not there. During celebrations, when we give thanks to God for the food, and for all that He has given, there is still tears. Sometimes I forget that you died, and when I want to call you, I realised that, my, my, you died. We all think of you all the time.
If I feel so much pain, I can’t imagine how mom feels.
I could scream and yell. I love you till the end. Love me till the end Pa. Be there for me.
I sincerely hope that you’re happy, and Pa, you can come to me any time, to tell me anything that you want. I will be waiting at the door.