Papa. Happy father’s day. I miss you so much. I’m overwhelmed with the fact you died. I feel lonely. I feel lost. I have no fucking clue on how to deal with this pain or this emotional cloud shit.
Everytime I close my eyes. I see you. Every task I keep myself busy with I think of you. I miss you each day. Everyday every minute.
I try to feel better everyday. I tell myself. Ok dad would have want me to be strong and healthy. And for sure if you know I’m crying all the time, you would have yelled and ask me what the hell is going on.
Thing is, I’m angry. I thought we were going for holidays soon. And have so many laughing moments. And share all my pain with you. I’m terribly upset with Gods plan.
I call you sometimes, I wished you answered me. I left you many voice messages on your cell.
I love you till the end. And some days I wished the end is near. So I can see your beautiful smiling face. I wished I can touch your face. I will give anything to hold you again. I will give anything to hear you say you love me again. Are you there papa. Can you see me. Can you hear me. I’m in a pathetic state.
I love you, I wished you were here. We all would have been sitting at a table, celebrating fathers day and have cake later.
I want you to be alive again so badly. I really need a father figure, I’m so raw. I can’t do this without you.
Where are you.
Where are you.
Where are you.
Are you happy. Have you eaten. Are you singing. Are you looking at me. Are you here. Are you with mom. Do you feel lonely. Do you have friends. Are you happy papa.
The pain grows each day papa.
There’s so much pain . Too much sorrow.