How it really feels like.

When you have no one to text when you’re sad. Texting someone appropriate (that would have the capacity to understand how you feel, gone through it, empathize, and listen) is not easy to find. That person was my father.

When things are going right, I’m happy. I thank god. But I don’t have anyone to share it with. Dad’s gone.
My success is unaccounted for. Everyone claps, in slow motion – I look around for my dad’s face – hoping that he sees me, my lost eyes.
My tears, unheard by anyone because its done behind doors.

When I’m being bullied, feels like there’s no one that would stand up for me.
When people put me down, feels like I have to fight for myself, sometimes within me as well.
When I’m frustrated I go and run – I end up crying because it truly feels like I can’t run away at all.

There’s no more I love you girl calls.
When I’m shut close as a clam because relationships are build on time and pain, and being present.
None that I can commit to, or want to.

And today, I totally feel so alone, and lonely.