Now I remember

Why I don’t mingle anymore.

Today, was my bosses’ farewell – and I was happy to be there, sending her off.

But all I realised was … how empty and cold my laughters.

Almost choking me.

It keeps up with you, one way or another.

A little piece is a big piece.

I realised how time truly flies, and I can’t remember the last time I thought of papa.
The other day in the lift, an old man, about papa’s age said ” Good morning “.

And I cried the whole way to work.

How I missed my dad.

First I felt ashamed, then I felt like I let him down, then I felt guilty. Then angry.
I think I have been feeling angry for a long time – at why did he had to die. And yes I know its something I cannot comprehend or whatever. I can reason myself – but I don’t understand. I obviously cannot accept it, still.

And it has eaten me alive.

I don’t have hope. I don’t have the slimmest chance to love anymore.

Simply because I can’t deal with anymore pain.

Don’t know how to deal with life sometimes. This fucking shit.